Tonya and PQBON's WebLog
I got to bring my cat Zoe home last night thanks to the landlord not wanting to look for new tenets soo much that he was willing to let Zoe move in. We're still moving though. Anyway.....Will's parents have done a great job of taking care of her for the last 10 weeks.....I think they were a little sad to see her go. Actually, I think her living there was a great experience for her. She got to meet a lot of new people and explore a new environment. I got her back a somewhat changed cat that is more brave and sociable. Last night when she got to her new home, instead of her hiding under the bed for hours she was out within 5 minutes exploring the bedroom. It will be interesting to see how she reacts to Ken when he comes home.
I'm happy to have her back and now it's starting to feel more like my home and not like I'm just visiting.
I didn't post anything about my last training because it was mostly group exercises about diversity. Today however, we had a couple women share their stories and then we talked about life at the shelter. WARNING.....graphic material in the extended entry.
Listening to women talk about their experiences with domestic violence makes me very thankful that I'm with someone who would never abuse me in any way or any children, if we ever have them. After listening to them, I felt lucky that my safety with Will is never in question and it made me appreciate him more. It's a sad world we live in when you want to thank your partner for not beating you. But, for so many woman (1 out of 3 worldwide) thats a part of their life.
The first speaker discussed her childhood...which is a little too similar to mine... so I'm not going to discuss that. The second woman talked about 2 relationships that she was involved in where she was abused. I'm not going to go into all of it, it would take too long. Her first husband tried to control where she was at all times by doing stuff like hiding her car keys. It esculated. One night she went out to celebrate her friends birthday. When she got home, he was angry. As she was getting ready for bed, he came up behind her and slammed her head into the countertop. It knocked her unconscious. She came out of it the next day. He had left her alone with her daughter who was applying cold papertowls to her face. Her entire head was swollen, she couldn't open her eyes very much, she couldn't move her head. He refused to let her go to the doctor because he was afraid he'd get reported. It took her 4 months to recover. She was working and trying to save up money to leave him. A year and a half later the same thing happens. She goes out with a friend, this time the friend comes back to her house. The friend and her children are outside, she goes inside and he attacks her. The friend comes in the house, pulls the man off her and gets her and her child out of the house and takes her to the hospital. Her jaw had to be wired shut, most of her teeth had fallen out, she had several broken ribs, and a broken arm. She went to the police the day she was released to file charges and when she walked in they all knew her name. Her husband had gone in the night before, brought all the cops coffee and donuts and told them that "things had gotten a little out of hand." They told her he was really sorry and that it wouldn't happen again and that she should go home. She said no, she wanted to press charges. So they took photographs of her and 3 months later the D.A. called saying that they weren't going to press charges because they didn't want to "waste taxpayers dollars." This was 1983.
Her second relationship was in the late 80's. She didn't go into this one as much.....we were running out of time. She just gave as an example of what her husband would do. She said she woke up one night and he was sitting in a chair staring at her with a butcher knife in his hand. He sat there for three hours and then just got up and walked away.
It was hard not to cry during todays training and at one point I couldn't hold it in any longer and a couple tears escaped......I wasn't the only one.
We then talked about the shelter and the programs there. They do couseling both group and alone. They also work with the children with different types of therapy. Its only a 4-6 week program so they just begin the process of healing. The woman are transfered out to longer shelters and unfortunatly, some go back to the abuser.
I had a chance to ride a BMW R1200GS thanks to my friends at California BMW. It is a very different bike from R1150GS.
A sort list of difference that matter when you are riding (the bike looks totally different). The front end geometry is much quicker, the combined with the 60lbs weight loss. This makes the bike much more alive in the twisties. However, it also means that bar input on the freeway can lead to the bike shifting and being less planted. The 100 horses in the motor are a nice improvement. The power is less linear then the twin spark 1150s. It is centered squarely in the middle of the tach making there no reason to wind the motor out. Actually, if you shift before the redline but close you actually get more acceleration out of the rpm drop then holding the gear. The motorcycle wasn't the only thing that lost mass. The motor while having a bigger displacement acts as though it has less rotating mass. It revs quicker, it takes more blip to down shift, and it pulls the bike less to the right when you rev it when stationary. The bike feels smaller when you are on it, due mostly to the thinning of the seat tank and midsection. You can definitely feel that there is less there. The bars are also very different. They are oversized bars. and seem flatter then the bars on the 1150. They also seem to be closer to the seat so your arms will be more bent and relaxed. The heated grips are the new style. They don't have the oversized feel of the ones on the 1150. They are the same grips you will find on the Rockster. The transmission is also very different. It feels less like a typical BMW tractor gearbox and more like motorcycle transmission. It also has stops to its ratcheting. On the R1150s you can keep going down once you are in low gear and up once you are in high gear. The 1200 has hard stops. This seems to be more common now. Triumph and Yamaha seem to have adopted this.
Did I like it? Yes, I thought it was a great bike. However, it is a different bike. I would love a new GS but I would also want and RT. The new GS has such sporty handling and motor I would also want a bike for going on long touring trips that was more rock solidly stable for going two up. As far as a sporty hooligan it wins hands down. It again will lift the front end the way the old R1100GS did. It seems to have almost the same power band as the R1100GSs I've ridden just more power in the band.
Ken already has a review. Largely I agree.
I felt that the writers/directors felt that they were making a comic book movie so they had to add a bunch of slap sticky crap in the middle. The movie was really just the story of the creation of the punisher. And as that goes if you cut out the slap sticky middle it would have been pretty good. The thing that disappoints me is the Punisher is a great character and a punisher movie could be a very gritty real and violent movie and perfectly capture the feel of the Punisher comic. Instead they did what they did in Dare Devil (one of my favorite marvel characters) they strayed from the character. Both Punisher and Dare Devil are weak characters in the marvel universe. One is merely human the other has enhanced senses. However, their stories aren't about their powers. The Punisher is all about punishing evil. He defines evil as one who hurts innocent people. The Punisher views himself as above all laws and operates outside of them. Dare Devil on the other hand is a pure crime fighter. By day a lawyer by night a vigilant super hero, he delivers his enemies to justice by bringing about there arrests. Both are tortured souls. The punisher lost his family to hit meant to kill him. Dare Devil experienced his father's death and the inevitable death of every woman who gets close to him.
I am most saddened by poorly written movies because they make it less likely the characters will grace the silver screen again. I love gun movies. I loved Last Man Standing. The punisher should have felt more like that. It almost would have if you edited out the center of the movie. I hope someday someone does justice to the Punisher on the silver screen. For that matter I hope someone does justice to Dare Devil. Actually a DD Punisher movie would be great. The two don't like each other at all. DD wants to bring the Punisher to justice for his methods.
An article on abcnews.go.com talks about pharmacists not dispensing drugs based on there personal beliefs. Yes, I know we have already covered this. However, it seems it has happened again. This time with straight birth control pills. To make it worse, CVS unlike Ekerd Corp. is not only not firing them, but is in fact has a corporate policy that supports this.
This was all brought to my attention in the Orkut.com prochoice community. One of the community members composed a message to send to CVS. In the extended entry is two versions of letter, one to mail and one to submit on CVS.coms online feedback system.
I urge everyone to do this, not only does this effect women's reproductive rights but it potentially effects everyone. This allows pharmacists to refuse to fill AZT prescriptions for Aids victims, or prescriptions for STDs (which a rapidly returning problem in this country) or in theory medicine for a cycle cell enema patient because of skin color.
I am writing to voice my disgust over your company's policy to allow your pharmacists to refuse to fill prescriptions based on their personal belief system.
I read an article that a CVS pharmacist refused to fill a prescription for a married mother of two, Ms. Julee Lacey. The actions taken by the pharmacist are horribly wrong and immoral. She had no right to interfere with the medical treatment that Ms. Lacey was receiving. The unnamed pharmacist is NOT a doctor. She had no right to attempt to circumvent Ms. Lacey's medical care.
These medicines, such as emergency contraception and birth control pills, are prescribed by a medical doctor for the patient's use. The pharmacist has no right to interfere with the doctor-patient relationship.
The CVS pharmacist who refused to fill Lacey's prescription still has her job. This is absolutely WRONG and unconscionable.
Your corporate policies to legislate morality are deplorable. The CVS policy to "dispense legally prescribed therapies to customers as quickly as possible, but it will not force pharmacists to do things that would violate their religious beliefs" is nothing short of ridiculous.
I strongly urge you to reconsider your position on this matter. An individual's personal belief should not dictate another person's medical care. Religious beliefs do not trump the advice of a medical physician, and they must not be allowed to compromise patient care.
I look forward to receiving a response. I will also be sending a letter via U.S. Mail to your corporate headquarters.
Sincerely,
{Your Name HERE}
{Your contact info HERE}
CVS Corporation
Corporate Headquarters
One CVS Drive
Woonsocket, RI 02895
To whom it may concern,
I am writing to voice my disgust over your company's policy to allow your pharmacists to refuse to fill prescriptions based on their personal belief system.
I read an article that a CVS pharmacist refused to fill a prescription for a married mother of two, Ms. Julee Lacey. The actions taken by the pharmacist are horribly wrong and immoral. She had no right to interfere with the medical treatment that Ms. Lacey was receiving. The unnamed pharmacist is NOT a doctor. She had no right to attempt to circumvent Ms. Lacey's medical care.
These medicines, such as emergency contraception and birth control pills, are prescribed by a medical doctor for the patient's use. The pharmacist has no right to interfere with the doctor-patient relationship.
The CVS pharmacist who refused to fill Lacey's prescription still has her job. This is absolutely WRONG and unconscionable.
Your corporate policies to legislate morality are deplorable. The CVS policy to "dispense legally prescribed therapies to customers as quickly as possible, but it will not force pharmacists to do things that would violate their religious beliefs" is nothing short of ridiculous.
I strongly urge you to reconsider your position on this matter. An individual's personal belief should not dictate another person's medical care. Religious beliefs do not trump the advice of a medical physician, and they must not be allowed to compromise patient care.
I look forward to receiving a response. I will also be sending a letter via U.S. Mail to your corporate headquarters.
Sincerely,
{Your Name HERE}
{Your contact info HERE}
This last monday our topic in training was how domestic violence effects children.........
When we got in the training room there was playdough on our chairs and toys in the middle of the room. We were told to pick out one puppet and one sand tray figure that we were drawn to. I was a little late in the picking so the selection was slim. I went to grab a cute fluffy monkey as my puppet but someone got to it first. So I got the monster from the book "Where The Wild Things Are," which is a awesome childrens book if you've never read it. My sand tray figure was a lizard because it reminded me of my friend Kristin who I haven't seen in awhile.
So we watched a video and was told that we could play with the playdough during the video to reduce stress and tension. The video looked at 4 real families and the effects on the children. One story that really stands out is the story of David. David lived in an abusive home till he was 5. His mom left his dad and they were going through counseling. Things were getting better so when he was six his mom agreed to let his dad come home for just the weekend. One night during this weekend David wakes up to screaming. He runs into his mom's room to find blood everywhere. His dad is sitting on top of his mom. His mom's throat has been slashed. He jumps on his dads back and starts hitting him and telling him to stop. His dad stops and goes into the bathroom where he commits suicide.
Now David is 24. He is married and has a 3 year old girl and an infant boy. While he is not physically abusive to his wife, he is constantly telling her that she is stupid and he's going to leave her. He is afraid that he will snap one day and hurt her. They show them interacting in their home with their children present. They are fighting, he is being verbally abusive to her. He tells her he is going to leave her, wants a divorce, ect.... All this time, their little girl is in the room. She follows them around the house trying to interupt them so they will stop fighting. She clings to her mother for comfort. She looks so sad. I never saw this little girl smile or laugh during the entire video. They almost completely ignore her while they fight. At one point, the mom and daughter are on the couch. The girl is curled up in a ball, face down. The mom says to the camera about her daughter "I think she's doing okay." Obviously, this mother is clueless as to how her daughter is doing.
So after the video we discussed the emotional, behavioral, and psychosomatic (the effects to your body due to an outside influence) effects of domestic violence. I'll give a short list of each.
Emotional: Depression, anger, powerlessness, guilt, fear, ect....
Behavioral: Drugs, fighting, attention seeking, withdrawn, shy, suicidal, ect...
Psychosomatic: Headaches, stomachaches, nightmares, eating disorders, hair loss, ect..
So then we discussed the types of personalities of these children.
1) The Parentified Child:
-They have trouble playing with other children because they don't know how to be children.
-They like to be the leader
-They are the "helpers" in the classroom
-They are perfectionist
-They are not carefree
-Tired from taking care of younger siblings
Why?
-They take on the parent role at home.
-They can't relate to other children because of the high level of responsibility they have had to carry
2) The child who acts out:
-The bully
-Won't follow directions
-Out of control
-Disruptive in class
-Often boys
Why?
-Models the behavior of the abuser
-They don't have power at home but they can at school
-They can't verbalize that something is wrong
Interesting finding: They are starting to find children are being mislabled with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) when they are in fact from a domestic violence home
3) The Pleaser
-Needs to be noticed and acknowledged by the teacher
-If not noticed....feelings are hurt
-Brings teachers gifts
-Wants to be liked
-Usually girls
Why?
-Doesn't get attention at home
-Feels invisible and not valuable at home
-They are trying to earn attention/love
-Often told they can do anything right
4) The needy child
-Unable to work on their own
-Always needs help
-Hard time concentrating
-Gives up easily
-Has a hard time with tests
Why?
-Low self-esteem
-Feels helpless/powerless
-No sense of accomplishment
-Has no control
5) The Withdrawn Child
-Doesn't ask questions
-Doesn't join group/few friends
-Sits alone at lunch
-Nervous/anxious
-Sad
Why?
-Doesn't want to draw attention to themselves
-Needs to hold family secret
-No support
-Internalize as their fault
Talking about this topic is very personal to me because I spent some of my life in a home with domestic violence. I'm open to discussing it, I just never volunteer the information unless asked. I see a lot of myself in these personality types. I fit into every catagory except the child who acts out. As I've gotten older and especially after I moved out on my own, I have grown out of some of these personality traits. I still struggle with some of them. I cry easily, still have some self-esteem issues, I have a lot of phobias, I doubt myself, scare easily, I have a lot of anxiety, and I still have problems with nightmares. I'm slightly a perfectionist and have some control issues. Most of my phobias have to do with control. I get very anxious when I feel I'm not in contol. Just to make it clear, neither of my parents were abusive to me or each other....but my mom has been married 3 times (I'm the product of number 1)...(this saturday, April 10, will be number 4) and stepdad 1 and 2 weren't so great. Compared to others who end up in abusive relationships themselves, or addicted to drugs, or in jail, I came out pretty good. I only had one boyfriend in high school that was violent. I was a junior. During the relationship he wasn't too bad....he tried to come off like he was playing...except I didn't think so. He would pinch....a couple times hard enough to leave a bruise. He hit and kicked me softly a couple times. After I broke up with him, he punched me in the eye. It bruised but not too bad...I covered it up with make-up and my hair.
Next week is "Introduction to Unlearning Oppressions" ...should be interesting
I got a surprise at work today. Will carrying a dozen red roses with a teddy bear. It was so unexpected. I work with mostly women and they all came out to meet Will and see the gorgous flowers. They all wanted to know what the occasion was.....which there isn't.....then they wanted to know what he had done......which is nothing. They were amazed..... and most made a comment about how their husband/boyfriends never bring them flowers. Will is now considered the sweetest man ever at my office......me and most of the patients that came in today thought so too.
Arm update time... OK here it goes. Last time I went to the Dr. there was concern that the ulnar plate was bothering my tendons and such. That turned out to be a red herring. This means that the plate doesn't have to come out.
The wrist pain in my right arm is actually tendon damage. As it turns out I was SO jealous of Ken and his cortisone shots that I decided I needed my own. So today they shot my wrist full of pain meds and cortisone. This is supposed to clear out all of the scar tissue and allow the tendon that connects the radius and ulna together at the wrist to reform. If this course doesn't work then they will use surgery to fix it. So as you can imagine this is the preferred course of action.
I also have a slight bump on my middle finger on my right hand that will likely be sliced off in a drop-in surgery. Its a slight growth at the knuckle of my right middle finger that may or may not be related to my injury but should be removed either way. It will involve a scalpel and a stitch or two if it doesn't start to go away on its own.
All in all the news is pretty good. I broke the arm in August and as of April it is almost fully healed. For the first time I got to see the plates on an xray. The plates are screwed in every 2cm or so so there are a metric TON of screws in my arm.
A 15 year-old girl has been arrested for taking and distributing naked and sexual pictures of her self. I don't know but this seems silly. Laws against "child" porn were enacted to protect young people from predators. Now, I understand she needs to be stopped (since if nothing else, anyone she gives or shows the pictures is now arrest-able). However, who is the victim here? Injuring yourself intentionally isn't battery, killing yourself isn't murder, teenagers who masturbate aren't committing statutory rape. I see the need to stop her, I see the need to teach her that this might not be in her best interest, I don't see how arresting her helps HER, the "victim" at all. If they convict her, it will have to go on her job applications as: "Yes, I was convicted of a felony." If they don't convict her but treat her as and adult her record will for the rest of her life have her down as arrested and tried for child pornography.
What a great system we have!
"She is a slut... that means she must have wanted it." This is the defense being used by a group of Orange Country adults (they are all over 18) are using for raping a 16 year old girl.
Harder To Breathe from the album Songs About Jane by Maroon 5